older

another schoolyear ends.  another batch graduates.

(tapos, the soundtrack in my head goes off, "is this the little boy i carried?  is this the little girl at play?  i don't remember growing older...when...did...theyyy?...sunrise, sunset. sunrise, sunset. swiftly fly the daaays...")

tonight was held the fa candlelight ceremony. perhaps one of the most beautiful--if not the most beautiful--pre-commencement exercises in the whole up diliman campus. a candle lit for each candidate for graduation (the university graduation will be held tomorrow)-- what could be more beautifully symbolic?

with none of the stiff, boring ceremonies of the kind held in stuffy auditoriums, the very romantic fa candlelight ceremony is held in the open air (it was hot and humid, though)-- under the stars. of course, not everything is as it seems.  the faculty members again had a field day making side comments as each candidate for graduation was called. 

prof. defeo jokingly added "...from venezuela", "...from puerto rico", "...from nicaragua" to the names of the pretty girls, and then he pointed out the cute guys who, allegedly, at some point of their student lives in fa, volunteered to be his boyfriend.  then, i wouldn't say which prof, but, this one on the other hand kept tabs of those who were supposed to have graduated from fa a long time ago. or who went out with whom.  needless, to say, my co-teachers' comments guaranteed there wasn't a dull moment in the peanut gallery.

kidding aside, it is an emotional time for the profs as well. the jokes were perhaps just to lighten the mood.  in the five years i've been with fa, i have grown to appreciate just how the profs (bar none, at least in vis comm) including the much-maligned profs (i read my students' blogs just as much as they read mine, haha) care so much for their students. and this has earned my respect for each and every one of them.

i have attended all the candlelight ceremonies since i joined fa in 2002 (i signed up with fa in march 2002), and every time, i feel something in me dies. 

now, that sounds so melodramatic, but i just couldn't find the right words at the moment to express what i feel.  so this will have to do for the moment.

fa feels like a halfway house.  you take the kids under your wing, you try your best to nurture their talents (it really depends on how they trust you to teach them), then they grow and before you know it, they're off. and you start over again, taking on and nurturing another batch.

and, always and inevitably, at the end of the candlelight ceremonies is the confusion. the students scramble madly to have their photos taken with each other.  i feel happily detached from the scene, as if i'm having an out of body experience watching everything. and i'm reminded of that summer night not so long ago when i was the one in their shoes. then once in a while i get yanked back to reality by a student requesting to have his/her  picture taken with me. or a student introducing his parents to me.  sometimes i am embarassed by the tears that suddenly threaten to fall when i talk and my voice cracks. only then i realize just how moved i was by the ceremony that had just ended. i am what they call "mababaw ang luha." the parents must think their kid's prof is such a loony, hahaha.

Comments

[Jedi]

hi mam may, i wanted to have my picture taken with you also, but you left early po. huhuhu

salamat po mam for everything! i'll miss my classes under your tutelage po.

[May]

i'm always shy to have my pic taken, haha...kaya i always leave early. sayang pa naman, it was my chance to have a pic taken by your dad--and with you, of course! jedi, please wag kang makakalimot, kapag isa ka nang maningning na tala, ha? please keep in touch. i'm so happy for you--your future seems so bright! (oops, i-embarass ba kita sa buong friendsterdom, hahaha.)